Kuzya, one of three Siberian tigers released into the wild personally by Vladimir Putin, entered China by swimming the Amur River. Kuzya has now revealed Russia’s true intentions by killing five Chinese chickens. A Daily Mail headline writer screamed about the “diplo-cat-ic incident!” It’s not clear whether Putin raised the feline issue in recent talks at the Kremlin with Chinese Premier Li Keqiang. With only 450 Siberian tigers left on the planet, Russia’s decision to weaponize one is sure to be controversial. Upon learning that Kuzya ate all five chickens he killed, my cousin Ray Sixkiller asked, if Kuzya is a weapon, “what does that make Col. Sanders?”
Military blogs are carrying a lot of speculation and a little video claiming that ISIS has captured a small air force made up of MiG 21s and MiG 23s from Iraq. CentCom has been unable to confirm the development of an ISIS “air force” but experts pointed out it takes about two years to train a jet jock and a lot of support on the ground to keep a jet fighter in the air. Airmen of several nations are said to be hoping the rumor is true, since air-to-air kills are still status symbols in the air force business.
Apple and Facebook are making employment history, according to Bloomberg Businessweek. They will pick up the cost of oocyte cryopreservation, known to ordinary people as egg freezing, a process not covered by health insurance and very pricey at about ten large per egg plus storage charges. This enables women to delay childbirth in the service of career if they choose. Predictably, most women think it’s the best news since reliable birth control and many fundamentalist mullahs call it un-natural and sinful, claiming either that God did not intend women to start families in their forties or that in vitro fertilization is the same as abortion because you don’t use all the embryos.
On October 16, the Vatican announced that for the first time, the Sistine Chapel would be rented out for a private corporate event “on the condition that the proceeds (of a concert put on there by Porsche) go to charity.” “Pope Francis is changing things big time,” said Cousin Ray, “but there’s no truth to the rumor that the charity will be Planned Parenthood.”
When Lamborghini announced it would sponsor the Italian state police’s sports association, it also donated a Huracánfor use as a “police car.” “Italy,” Cousin Ray laughed, “will give a whole new meaning to ‘high speed chase!’”
KTEN reported that Roderick Jackson, 23, pled guilty to unlawful possession of a firearm and possession of marijuana and was placed on probation. The next day, he wrecked his car and the responding officer noticed a pistol on the dashboard. At that moment Jackson took off running and was apprehended emptying something out of baggies. The officer did not bother with whatever was in the baggies, but this time Jackson got seven years for being a felon in possession of a firearm. “He had only been a felon for one day,” Cousin Ray commented, “but it looks like he felt naked without a gun.”
The District Attorney in Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson’s prosecution for injury to a child has filed a motion to recuse the judge. The Montgomery County Courier reported that the DA claimed, among other things, the judge had referred to the lawyers on both sides as “media whores.” Cousin Ray looked like he had a comment but it’s hard to understand him while he’s rolling on the floor laughing.
Florida State University quarterback Jameis Winston has been accused of sexual assault of a fellow student, shoplifting crab legs, and suspended for half a game (later raised to a full game) for “shouting an obscene phrase in the student union.” All this while racking up a 23 game winning streak. This week, Winston was accused of signing football memorabilia for money, which would be a violation of NCAA rules and the student athletes’ vow of poverty. “Oh-oh,” muttered Cousin Ray, “now they’ve accused him of something really serious.”
Folks may not remember that back during the 9-11 terrorism scare there was also anthrax getting mailed to various public figures, a crime never solved with enough certainty to charge anybody. Congress got the idea that maybe the US should fund some biocontainment facilities just in case the terrorists took up biological warfare next. Mashable reported we now have nine—count ’em, nine—biocontainment beds to serve the entire country. ABC reported 11. USA Today reported between eight and 13. Reports agree that however many biocontainment beds there are exist in only four states: Montana, Nebraska, Georgia, and Maryland. For those few centers that can treat Ebola safely, we can thank money jarred loose by the late Osama bin Laden.
Turning to something likely to kill more people than Ebola, a recent New York Times/CBS/YouGov poll confirms that most of the US is trapped in a fact-free zone about climate change. The money poured into the three-tier defense of carbon pollution has had an impact. The three tiers are (1) the planet is not getting warmer or (2) if it is, humans are not responsible or (3) if it is and they are, we can’t do anything about it, anyway. It is heartening that those states where the public worries about climate change are among the lowest in per capita carbon emissions (New York, California, Vermont) while those states who have bought the fossil fuel propaganda do the most polluting (Wyoming, West Virginia, Nebraska, Kentucky). Contrary to the pro-carbon pollution propaganda, those states that have cleaned up tend to have stronger economies.
The New York Times reported on the shrinkage of the Girl Scouts of America from a membership of 4 million in 2003 to 3 million now and the number of councils from 312 to 112. In response, the Scouts have branched out from camping and crafts to technology and media, and are now experiencing pushback from traditionalists. “I’m more OK with the Girl Scouts than the Boy Scouts,” said Cousin Ray, recalling the Boy Scouts encouraging anti-gay bigots and running segregated troops back in the day. “As long as they stay away from fake Indian stuff and keep the Thin Mint cookies.”
Tina Brown on Morning Joe about why the Republican Party is getting more women’s votes this time around: “They’ve had their rabies shots.”
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s Republican opponent attacked a new law that resulted in 34,500 of the 140,000 people hospitalized for mental illness in New York last year losing their right to own guns. Cousin Ray was amazed that some politicians are considered mentally stable enough to own guns.
The Boston Globe reported on the “pumpkin riots” in Keene, New Hampshire, turning the annual Pumpkin Festival into street fighting on the level of Ferguson, Missouri, but with no visible cause. At least 14 people were arrested, cars and dumpsters were overturned, and there was no immediate count on the number of persons transported to hospitals. “Maybe,” Cousin Ray pondered, “they ran out of pumpkin pie?”
Keene, New Hampshire was last in the news applying for military hardware from the federal government to deal with possible terrorist attacks on the Pumpkin Festival.
WGN reported that Robert Keller, 23, was arrested for getting a little bit too creepy in a Montgomery, Illinois haunted house, when he allegedly touched a teenage girl inappropriately with an electrical neck massager while making suggestions similarly “inappropriate.’ His booking photo shows the remains of his makeup as a bloody clown in the Massacre Haunted House. “Temporary insanity,” Cousin Ray diagnosed, “brought on by pumpkin poisoning.”
At the cutting edge of apology tech, a lawyer here in Texas has tagged her messages, “Please forgive typographical and grammatical errors that are often caused by smartphone ‘autocorrect’ as this message has been sent from my iPhone.” She is outclassed, however, by an ICTMN editor, who appends “Sent from my phone, so blame it for any hippos.”
There was a major water line break in Nowata County, Oklahoma that cut off service to about 2,000 folks, including a school. On Saturday, the Cherokee Nation Emergency Management Department delivered the first pallets of clean water to the fire station serving as a distribution point in the affected area. On Monday, the Cherokees expanded water delivery to the school. “The Cherokee purification ceremony is going to water,” Cousin Ray chuckled, “but Cherokees can take water to others in case of emergency!”
Foreign Policy reported on another part of the ISIS actions in the Middle East in addition to killing people over religion that will be familiar to Indians. The second largest source of ISIS funding, next to black market oil, is looting of irreplaceable artifacts from historic and prehistoric sites. ISIS destroys some artifacts, principally Shiite, Yazidi, and Sufi materials, but pre-Islamic artifacts are looted for the black market. “These jerks,” spat Cousin Ray, “have nothing on U.S. grave looters.”
