BusinessWoman headed the news “Internationally Acclaimed Barrister Amal Alamuddin Marries an Actor.” Alamuddin is best known for representing WikiLeaks spokesman Julian Assange and for her service on the UK’s Preventing Sexual Violence Initiative to gather evidence of sexual crimes in conflict zones, in which there is an unfortunate spike recently. She is admitted to both British and US bars and is fluent in English, French, and Arabic. The groom, George Clooney, agreed he was “marrying up.” Congratulations!
Julian Assange “appeared” at a Massachusetts conference by hologram. “He’s only following in the holographic footsteps of Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur, and they looked pretty good,” my cousin Ray Sixkiller said, “for dead guys.”
Hong Kong is rocking with street demonstrations that dwarf the US civil rights movement. When the UK handed Hong Kong back to China, the Chinese government promised “one country-two systems,” a continuation of free elections. The fine print came into focus this year: Hong Kong citizens will be allowed to choose only among a slate of candidates picked by the government unless the “umbrella revolution” prevails.
NPR passed on a report that first appeared in The Local, revealing that five Swedish scientists are participating in an informal competition to see who can publish the most quotations of Bob Dylan lyrics in professional journals before they retire. “Bored professors,” observed Cousin Ray. “Twenty years of schooling and they put you on the day shift.”
Derek Jeter, asked what he was thinking when he came up for his last at bat in Yankee Stadium on September 25: “Don’t cry.” Jeter, batting third in the bottom of the ninth with the winning run on second, swatted a single for a walkoff Yankees victory and a cherry on top of the whipped cream of his career.
KENS5 in San Antonio reported that Jana Weckerly has filed a $1 million lawsuit against Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones alleging that he sexually assaulted her in 2009 and then paid her hush money from 2009 to 2013 so she would not report the assault. Jones allegedly quit paying when the statute of limitations ran out for filing a civil suit for sexual assault. Coincidence, I’m sure.
The NFL messed up something besides domestic violence and corporate welfare when zebras threw a flag on Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah for dropping to his knees in prayer in the end zone after an interception. Abdullah had reason to be thankful because he had just intercepted Tom Brady, but he got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct because he did not Tebow and therefore credited the wrong god. Unlike the NFL, I’m aware Allah is the same god Jews and Christians worship, but I don’t understand why, if an Invisible Friend gets the credit for a great play, he or she does not get the blame for an awful play? Specifically, whose fault is it that the Saints have become the Sinners?
Microsoft founder Bill Gates appeared on Morning Joe to discuss the Ebola crisis, to which his foundation has pledged $50 million. Asked about other nations, he mentioned, “Cuba has made a significant commitment in terms of doctors, and their doctors are quite well-trained.” So the richest country in the Americas is heading the fight against Ebola with backup from one of the poorest.
Ebola aid isn’t all about charity, because if that virus mutates to an airborne form, the world is at risk and, by the way, explain one more time why we are scared to engage with Cuba, especially now that Fidel Castro is out of power? “That’s what you call a rhetorical question,” Cousin Ray said, “as long as Florida is a swing state and the Cuban exile vote swings Florida.” I make fun of my Republican cousin, but he did not just fall off the turnip truck.
Forbes published its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. They are collectively worth $2.3 trillion and all are billionaires. Eleven persons under 40 made the list, mostly self-made techies. The youngest is Dustin Moskovitz, 30, who beat his Harvard roomie Mark Zuckerberg by eight days. The youngest billionaire, who did not make the cut for the top 400, is Evan Spiegel, 24, who made his paltry $1.5 billion as a founder of Snapchat.
The Washington Post continued outstanding reportage on Omar Gonzalez, 42, and his breach of White House security by simply jumping the fence and shoving guards away. The Secret Service had admitted he got inside the White House, barely. It turns out Gonzalez got far enough inside the building that, if he had known his way, he would have been in the family quarters. If the knife he carried were put to the throat of one of the First Daughters, he would have “owned” the White House. Ditto if he had been wearing explosives.
The Post also uncovered a recent incident where the Secret Service advance team allowed a man with a criminal history armed with a pistol to get on an elevator with the president.
The Marysville, Washington Daily Herald reported that Rhyan Vasquez, 19, in custody for robbery, escaped from jail and it took the jail two days to notice he was gone. Vasquez is now back in custody, charged with robbery and escape. Cousin Ray asked if those jailers have ever considered a career with the Secret Service?
Julia Pierson, the first woman to head the Secret Service, was BBQed by the House Oversight Committee. Much of the bureaucrat BBQ centered not on the Omar Gonzalez incident, but on a case of shots fired at the White House three years before Ms. Pierson was first appointed in March of 2013. This reminded me of Mary Barra, the first woman CEO of General Motors, who came along just in time to fade the heat for recall decisions made before she was anywhere near the hot seat. “So what planet is it,” Cousin Ray asked, “where women don’t get stuck cleaning up after men?
Cyber-security firm McAfee named Jimmy Kimmel “most dangerous search on the internet” because a search for Kimmel raises the highest probability (about 19 percent) of being exposed to malware. Kimmel responded, “Who would have thought a boy who carried a briefcase to middle school and played clarinet would grow up to be the most dangerous man on the internet?” Cousin Ray convulsed. “Dang, Ray, it ain’t that funny.” When he got his breath, Ray replied, “It’s not Kimmel—it’s you. I remember you carrying a briefcase to middle school and playing the clarinet!”
OklahomaWatch carried a report following up on a law signed by Republican Governor Mary Fallin that prevents cities from establishing a minimum wage in excess of the federal minimum of $7.25. It seems that tribal governments did not get the Republican memo explaining how raising the minimum wage would destroy the economy and kill jobs. The Cherokee Nation—largest employer in Northeastern Oklahoma—is raising their minimum to $9.50. The Creek Nation is raising theirs to $10.15. The Cheyenne-Arapaho tribal government pays $9, and while the Chickasaw Nation apparently does not require it by law, they claim to pay $9.50. A study conducted at Oklahoma City University concluded that the 39 tribes in Oklahoma account for about 7 percent of the state’s total economic output as of 2010.
In other Oklahoma Republican news, Fox43 reported that in 2016, Oklahomans will not be able to fly or get through security at federal buildings without a passport. Oklahoma did not sign on to the Real ID Act because, you know?, it’s federal. Meanwhile, my new Cherokee Nation ID has a very cool hologram and is Real ID compliant. So, unless the Oklahoma legislature has an attack of common sense, citizens of the biggest tribal nation in Oklahoma will not need a passport for domestic travel, but non-Cherokees will!
Connie Wilson, a resident of California, married her partner of nine years with whom she had three children. When the couple were brought to Texas by a job, the Texas Observer reported that she was denied a Texas driver’s license because her California license and her Social Security card did not match her birth certificate and Texas would not give full faith and credit to her California marriage license. This means, for Ms. Wilson, no driving, no flying, no purchases that require a photo ID (which most doctor offices require for an insurance claim), and the benefits for the child with Down syndrome and autism are in jeopardy. “Is there any chance,” Cousin Ray asked, “that Ms. Wilson has a Cherokee grandmother listed on the Dawes Rolls? That would solve some of the problem.”
Ms. Wilson’s situation is a textbook example of why discrimination against gay people is not like sex discrimination but rather is sex discrimination. She and her wife are failing to conform to gender stereotype and being penalized by the government for that failure. Cousin Ray commented, “You don’t sound like a lawyer but you are a lawyer…making common decency complicated.”
