PLUMMER, Idaho – It was billed as a Native Men and Culture Conference, but about equal numbers of women were in attendance at the Wellness Center on the Coeur d’Alene Reservation. The conference was organized by tribal member Jon Skwanqhqn, who had attended a similar conference on the Tohono O’odham Nation and had been impressed with the results they had attained. ”I want to get the community back as a whole,” he said.
Newly elected tribal council member Charlotte Nilson represented the tribe in welcoming those in attendance.
”When we think of awareness, we look to our fathers. The fathers here have to make a better life for children and the community.”
Six panels were assembled to speak on various issues, including wellness, the importance of education and the role of men in passing on customs and traditions, Native ceremony, spirituality and justice issues, and the role of men supporting their families.
While the topics of many panels tended to overlap, the principal message came through with each: Culture and tradition need to be maintained, and fathers must take a leading role in providing teaching and direction to be a positive example for the young.
Bob Sobotta, of the Coeur d’Alene Tribal School, has served many roles in education. He encouraged parents and grandparents to volunteer at schools.
”You’re always welcome. Your kids really want and need you. They want to connect with their ancestry and culture. Parents and grandparents can be the main mentors and must provide the spiritual element. Kids need that to hang on to.”
Chris Meyer, Coeur d’Alene Tribal School, also spoke about education with 32 years experience in that field.
”My goal would be to provide strong self-esteem for all kids.”
She explained that was accomplished through parents providing not only the physical needs, but also safety, love and belonging.
”My father always provided love. He kissed us when he was leaving or when we went to bed. There was a strong sense of who we were.”
Theresa Elisoff, a tribal social worker, continued along that line.
”Our families are more fragmented today and we don’t connect like we used to. Young men sometimes forget who they are. There has been cultural genocide and we need to maintain our culture and bring back the strength of family values.”
Another social worker, Leona Flowers, spoke of her interaction with young people.
”Many don’t feel connected to the community. They often aren’t held accountable for their actions and they want that. Many boys say they have no positive male role models and some young men are afraid to have kids because they don’t think they’d be good fathers. Eighty-five percent say they never have meals together in their home.”
Dave Brown Eagle discussed how ceremony helps to get in touch with oneself spiritually, but issued a warning as well.
”When you’re in a sweat house, praying, it really feels good, but the difficulty is – and the power of your prayer is – when you walk out of the sweat lodge. That’s when you have to live and be your prayer. That’s part of our strength – to be able to walk out and conduct ourselves in that fashion.”
He pointed out that many things men did in the past have been taken away and some turned to fighting and drugs as a way of remaining a warrior. ”We must adapt,” he said. He also pointed out that a true warrior could leave his lace and shield outside, enter and hug his wife and children.
”We, as the adults and caretakers of our children, need to direct the spirit of our children so they do not hurt themselves or others. In other words, we need to correct, we need to direct, we need to provide, we need to nurture; we need to do these things so the freedom of spirit they have grows up in a good way.”
He acknowledged that those in attendance were probably good role models but added, ”We have to take our message and not preach, but demonstrate by action. Demonstrate by what we say and how we say it.”